I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am midnight drunk by noon
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
