I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
