I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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