HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
