hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
