My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
