I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
foreskin is a definite game changer
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
