if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
