hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
