Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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