to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
