he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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