Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
as a side note pls kill me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize