I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
