he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
