The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
