my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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