Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
