Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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