Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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