Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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