I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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