y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
