My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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