Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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