He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
