you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
