there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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