Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
