Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She bit a glass in half.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
