I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
