I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
