Don't make out with my wife yet
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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