He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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