what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
