im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
