Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Are my feet made of real feet?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
