how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
