so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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