Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
