My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
