I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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