oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
