note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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