I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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