we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
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you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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