we have officially lost it.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
