You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize