You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
