there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
