my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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