Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
