I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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