She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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