I puked a lego.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
