Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
