i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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