there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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