i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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