i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
