She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
