I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
