I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
