i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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