What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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