I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
