he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
