Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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