sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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