All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
