fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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