If that was your dad, he is hot
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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