Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
