i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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