Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
