I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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